So you want to have a baby

I am almost 40 years old and I know now that fortunately (for me) I will not have kids, through my adulthood until now I have been dueling my decision. Sometimes I feel it was an excellent choice but sometimes I feel I made a mistake; while I will never know I can at least write about the reason why I decided not to procreate.

Babies…. if you ask those who had them they will tell you is the best thing they did in their life; and if you ask those who didn’t they will tell you they don’t regret it even a tiny bit. Well, I guess there is no good opinion. In one hand, those who had them are happy they brought someone to give them love to, someone to help and nurture and someone to give purpose to their lives. Those who refrained from it express freedom, career fulfilment, hobbies fulfilment, couple growth and financial stability.

In my case the ideas of those who have them resonates better; however, I still decided not to have them for a very strange idea that my fellow humans are apparently unable to rationalize.

Whenever I thought about having kids, and I had two opportunities with two different partners, I considered the kind of life I had and the kind of life my potential offspring would have; regardless of my level of happiness, career development and financial stability my conclusion was always that it was simply not a good idea.

I don’t understand why humans often fail to recognize the kind of future that new humans will have in this world. Call it perhaps a sense of idealism, a sense of “everything is going to work out” or a sense of “they will have a better life than me”. These are the thoughts, if any, that humans have before procreating. I don’t have a way to prove this claim, but just from experience and from the hundreds of articles and internet discussions I have read, humans fail to understand that they are bringing to this world a human being that, in my opinion, given he/she had a choice, would have preferred not to come here.

You see, when people decide to have kids they think about how the offspring will bring joy and happiness to their lives, how they will share love to their kid and perhaps how they will be taken care of when they are old. People also think that for some reason the kid will be a renown scientist, artist, president, or something alike when just about an extremely low percentage of people achieve anything worth mentioning. People with narcissistic tendencies think that their genes need to continue, as if they are privileged in one way or another. The problem with all these beautiful, and perhaps true thoughts is that the decision of having kids involves just two people but the repercussions of their actions affects three. Three people are involved, two that make the decision and one that will suffer most of the consequences of their decisions. Unfortunately, nobody thinks about the third one when they decide to procreate.

The premise is horrible and daunting for new humans, you come to this world because I want (the parents), you don’t have a choice or say, you will be born, you will go through countless hours of schooling so that you can get accepted into a college after competing with thousands of people for hundreds of spots, you will graduate from college after studying even more, after submitting 100 job applications you will find an entry level job, you will be humiliated, given orders to, follow orders from idiots and proceed like this until you are too old to enjoy life; then you will retire from the workforce just to realize that you can no longer bike, run, jump, create or live; The days were you could climb a mountain are long gone. You will fail tests, get fired, get dumped, get married, get divorced. Moments of joy will be limited, moments of suffering will be more; finally, moments of complacency and boredom will be commonplace in your life. Your only hope is, or will be when you have a child of your own, you bring more suffering, boredom and joy to this overpopulated world.

I am proud that I was able to recognize the fact that deep inside, the child that I would have had would not have wanted to come to this world. I decided to spear the suffering and boredom for those limited moments of joy. I understand that this will come at a cost. You see, not having a baby to make my life more bearable is making me less happy but I understand that at some point this need to end and this ends with me.

Radical ideas; I know, perhaps because of the crappy life I had when I was growing up; well, one thing is for sure, the baby I did not have will never be chained to a desk for the rest of his life.

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Comments

  1. Wow! I’m speechless. Mr. G, I admire your honesty! This is such a controversial topic and you tackled it head on. So many are quick to say children are the joy of life, but you are completely right; they never consider the child’s inherent choice. People may be quick to judge and criticize you, but I am proud of you for truly making a sacrifice in your life to spare someone else’s potential misery. Keep up the great work!

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